whynotamous?

If I could talk to the animals,
just imagine
Chattin' to a chimp in chimpanzee,
Imagine talking to a tiger,
chatting to a cheetah,
What a neat achievement
that would be!

If we could talk to the animals,
learn their languages,
Maybe take an animal degree,
I'd study elephant and eagle,
buffalo and beagle,
Alligator, guinea pig, and flea!

I would converse in polar bear and python,
And I would curse in fluent kangaroo,
If people ask me "can you speak rhinoceros?"
I'd say "of courserous! Can't you?"

If I conferred with our furry friends,
man to animal,
Think of the amazing repartee
If I could walk with the animals,
talk with the animals,
Grunt and squeak and
squawk with the animals,
And they could talk to me!

If I consulted with quadrupeds
Think what fun we’d have asking over crocodiles for tea!
Or maybe lunch with
two or three lions,
walruses and sea lions
What a lovely place
the world would be!

If I spoke slang to orangutans
The advantages why any fool on earth could plainly see!
Discussing Eastern art and dramas
With intellectual llamas
That’s a big step forward
you’ll agree!

I’d learn to speak in antelope and turtle
And my Pekinese
would be extremely good
If I were asked to sing
in hippopotamus
I’d say “whynotamous?” and would!

If I could parlay with pachyderms
It’s a fairy tale worthy of Hans Anderson and Grimm
A man who walks with the animals
and talks with the animals
Grunts and squeaks and squawks with the animals and they could talk to him!

It's incredible, it's impossible,
but it's true!
A man can talk to the animals
It's a miracle!
In a year from now I guarantee
I'll be the powerful of the mammal
Play chess with camels
No more just a boring old M.D.

I’ll study every
living creature’s language
So I can speak to all of them
on sight
If friends say
“can he talk in crab or pelican?”
You’d say “like hell he can”
and you’d be right!

And if you just stop to think of it
There's no doubt of it
I shall win a place in history
But I can walk with the animals
Talk with the animals
Grunt and squeak and squawk with the animals
And they can squeak and squawk and speak and talk to me!

© 1967, from Dr. Doolittle
lyrics by Leslie Bricusse